I’m still here – finding my way through each day. My dear, little mother has made progress in many ways but there are quite a few things that have made her care very different than we first thought. I have hired a daytime caregiver so I can have some time to keep body and soul together. Much of my time is spent managing life and business for her. My sweetheart is in southern Mexico on a two-week missions trip that was planned long before my dear mother fell and broke her pelvic bone. He will return home Saturday evening. I’m not counting the hours. Yet! Just counting the days and looking forward to having him home again.
I am staying with my dear mother every night. I ‘negotiated’ with her. She hasn’t wanted a dog in her house before so I told her in order for me to stay nights with her, Joey, my little dog, had to be there, too. After dinner each night I go home and get him. The first evening he was there it was all new to him. He had to sniff and snoop and check out every single nook and cranny. She asked, ‘Will he break anything?’ ‘Only if it’s edible,’ I said, ‘then he will break it to pieces and eat it till it’s gone!’ He dearly loves her but he knows something isn’t the same as before. When I open the door to let him into her home, he races to her side. He sits in front of her walker and watches her. Now that her home feels like home to him, he makes himself comfortable and relaxes.
There are big decisions and changes ahead. My sweetheart asked me not to make any big changes while he was away, unless they had to be made right away. Just keep things working for her. And for me. Then, next week, he and I will begin to put things in place for the changes that must be made. I have sought much counsel and the changes that need to happen are obvious. I feel such peace with the direction we will take. Thank you for your prayers, your love and support and your kind comments and emails. They mean so much to me.
Today I read something that touched my heart and gave me strength. It’s true. So true.
‘As you care for your elderly mother or father, you may be the very hands of Christ taking care of them. And as you care for them, you may be surprised to discover that God does just the reverse: uses them to bless you as well, and teach you something more of Him. When this happens, you will know you’re finding God while caring for aging parents.’ (from
findinggoddaily.com)
I am finding Him in new ways. Every day.
Earlier this week I flew to Southern California for a few days to join family and say goodbye to someone very dear to me. My cousin, Mr. A., has been a special part of my family – and a dear friend. He was like a brother to me. We had many adventures as we grew up and there were tales to tell whenever we were together. He was a very talented artist. Plans were in the works for him to retire later this year so he could pursue his passion and share his talent with others – something he had done in the past. He planned for his retirement years to be spent not far from my sweetheart and I and we had begun to dream of more adventures than we ever dreamed possible together. 
A few months ago Mr. A. spent his vacation with us. His stay was sweet – almost two weeks of time to share things we enjoyed and a chance to take him to places we love. He and I sat and shared for hours – our hopes, our joys, our dreams – and we made plans for his return for vacation just a few weeks from now. During that time he was going to look for a retirement home. We ‘talked’ by email almost every day - sometimes several times a day. He was a rock, a source of strength when life felt like it was falling apart. His words often seemed profound, yet his incredible sense of humor came through just when I needed a laugh more than anything else. He was an avid reader of this blog - he always longed to join me on the adventures I shared here. He often sent an email asking me to ‘put that on the list’ of things he wanted to do when he came to Oregon. 
His passing was sudden. Unexpected. And hard to comprehend. But he leaves behind people who loved him more than he ever knew and a rich legacy no one else could give. He was a private person. Because of that I have chosen not to share his photo here – he would have hated that! I have chosen to share a bit of Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood, a place he loved the moment he saw it when we spent a day there together late last summer. He and I planned to go back again this spring to explore every nook and cranny open to the public. He ‘found’ things there I had never seen in previous visits to the lodge. I saw Timberline Lodge in new ways. The artist in him taught me to look at the artwork in ways I will never forget. 
I miss Mr. A. more than words can say. He was more than a cousin. He was a soul-mate - a kindred spirit. His spirit and legacy lives on. He had no idea how many lives he touched deeply or the difference he brought to their worlds. He left behind something special in each of us who knew and loved him. His spirit will live on in our memories forever.
